How many “likes”?

How many "likes"?

 

By Sister Sumaiyah Seedat

How many times have we posted a picture that we thought to be something great and to our surprise the picture receives a meager 10 "likes"?...Instant removal !

In our quest to boost our self-confidence, we have become egotistical and as fake as the filters we apply to our pictures on social media. Sadly, our lives have come down to us needing constant validation from others, some of whom are complete strangers to us! This is unhealthy because we build unrealistic views on life and suddenly what Allah Ta'ala has given to us is not enough.

 

We find fault with our complexion, our weight, height even the colour of our hair requires some sort of modification. We are indeed so vulnerable. The filters applied to pictures are deceptive and brainwashing and yet so many of us strive to look that way.

 

"You will never look like the girl on the front page of the magazine, as even that girl doesn't look like her original self"

The harms of abusing social media are not only the inferiority-complex it gives its users, it also commonly leads to a narcissistic approach to life. One has reduced their self-worth to the amount of 'likes' they accumulate on their 'selfies' and thus feeding their ego's when they have indeed overlooked that "Allah does not like the arrogant, the boastful" (Qur'an An-Nisa, 4:36).

 

Really, our beauty is sacred; we are beautiful because we are the work of Allah! You do not need validation from any human being.

The next time you are about to post a 'selfie' that you are convinced is going to get you many likes, ask yourself 3 things:

1. Would I be comfortable showing this picture to my children?
2. Would I be pleased if they grew up to do the same?
3. If I were to take my last breath tomorrow, would my pictures work for or against me in my grave?

Islam is not about doom and gloom, but in fact it's about being in peace and harmony with our Creator 'Ar-Rahmaan'.

 
"Never despair of the mercy of your Lord" (Qur'an Az-Zumar 39:53)

No matter how far you may have strayed, do not let Shaitaan (Satan) misguide you into thinking that there is no way back, the doors of forgiveness are always open.

Always remember, a pretty face is temporary and inner beauty more important than outer beauty. Rather aspire to "be so beautiful that others can't take their HEARTS off you"

Carry Me in Your Arms…

When I arrived home that night, my wife, Ameera, was serving dinner. I took her hand and said, "I have something to tell you." She sat down and ate quietly. I noticed the hurt in her eyes as she sensed something was not right.

Suddenly, the words caught in my throat. But I had to tell her what was on my mind. "I want a divorce," I stated calmly. Ameera didn't seem annoyed by my words; instead, she asked me softly, "Ismail, why?" I avoided her question, which made her angry. She shouted, "You are not a man!"

That night, we didn't speak to each other. Ameera wept. I knew she wanted to understand what had gone wrong with our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; I had lost my heart to my lovely secretary Mary Anne. I no longer loved Ameera; I only felt pity for her.

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement stating that she could keep our house and the car. She glanced at it and then tore it to pieces. The woman who had spent twenty years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources, and energy, but I couldn't take back what I had said, for I loved Mary Anne dearly.

Finally, Ameena cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected. To me, her crying felt like a release. The idea of divorce, which had obsessed me for several weeks, now seemed firmer and clearer.

The next day, I came home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't eat supper but went straight to bed and fell asleep quickly, exhausted after an eventful day with Mary Anne. When I woke up, she was still at the table writing. I didn't care, so I turned over and went back to sleep.

In the morning, she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that during that month, we both try to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son, Ahmed, had his matric exams in a month, and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more. She asked me to recall how I had carried her into our bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every morning for the duration of the month, I carry her from our bedroom to the front door. I thought she was going crazy.

Just to make our last days together bearable, I accepted her odd request. I told Mary Anne about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. "No matter what tricks she has, she has to face the divorce," she said scornfully. Ameera and I hadn't had any intimate contact since I explicitly expressed my intention to divorce. So, when I carried her out on the first day, we both seemed clumsy.

Our son, Ahmed, clapped behind us, "Daddy is holding Mummy in his arms!" His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, "Don't tell Ahmed about the divorce." I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She was a teacher at a local madressa( Islamic School) and went to wait for the madressa bus to fetch her. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, we both acted much more easily. She leaned against my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her abaya. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young anymore. There were fine wrinkles on her face, and her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute, I wondered what I had done to Ameera.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given twenty years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth days, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Mary Anne about this. It became easier to carry her as the month went by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

One morning, she was choosing what to wear. She tried on quite a few dresses but couldn't find a suitable one. Then she sighed, "All my dresses have grown bigger." I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, which was why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly, it hit me – she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart.

Subconsciously, I reached out and touched her head. Our son, Ahmed, came in at that moment and said, "Dad, it's time to carry Mum out." To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life.

Ameera gestured to our son to come close and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at the last minute. Then I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it felt just like our wedding day.

 

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms, I could hardly move a step. Ahmed had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, "I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy."

I drove to the office and jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind. I walked upstairs. Mary Anne opened the door, and I said to her, "Sorry, Mary Anne, I don't want the divorce anymore."

She looked at me, astonished, then touched my forehead. "Do you have a fever?" she asked. I moved her hand off my head. "Sorry, Mary Anne," I said, "I won't divorce. My marriage was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day, I am supposed to hold her until one of us departs this world."

Mary Anne seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap, then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote: *"I will InshaAllah carry you out every morning until one of us leaves this world!"*

The small details of our lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, the property, or the bank balance that truly matters. These create an environment of comfort but cannot give happiness in themselves. So, find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build a strong relationship.

Allah says in the Qur'an: *"Men are the supporters of women, because Allah has given some of them an advantage over others, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. So, righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in the husband's absence what Allah orders them to guard (their chastity, their husbands' property, etc.)."* (Qur'an 4:34)

Abu Hurairah narrated that the Messenger of Allah Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: *"The believers who show the most perfect faith are those who have the best disposition, and the best of you are those who are best to their wives."*

Our marriages should not be taken for granted. Love is often best expressed through sweet and thoughtful messages and little thoughtful actions that brighten your spouse's day. These little tokens of affection can go a long way in reminding each other how much you mean to each other!

To join our WhatsApp motivational group E ISLAM INSPIRE , click on the link below:

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For general & motivational articles on Islam visit our website: www.eislam.co.za

The Day of Eid!

The Day of Eid!

By Umm Muhammad Yusuf

The Month of Ramadaan is coming to an end and the transition from Ramadaan to Eid and thereafter should be a path the that brings us closer to our Creator and a path that treads the Sunnah i.e. The way of the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) .

After a month of sacrifice, Allah Ta'ala takes it upon Himself to reward His faithful servants. Allah Ta'ala is the Most Generous and Most Benevolent. Indeed Allah Ta'ala's Generosity multiplies in Ramadaan. When Allah Ta'ala sees His servants carry out all their duties faithfully and strive to gain closeness to Him through fasting ,salaat (prayer) ,patience ,recitation of Quraan ,zikr ,dua ,and controlling of even permissible desires and needs like food, drink etc. then Allah Ta'ala bestows on His faithful servants a special prize on the night preceding the day of Eid…

THE PRIZE GIVING NIGHT:

Allah Ta'ala bestows the rewards on those who have spent the month in His obedience and all their Du'as (prayers) on such an occasion are indeed accepted. It has been the practice of The Messenger of Allah Ta'ala (pbuh)that he would not sleep during the night preceding Eid-ul –Fitr, this night has been named Laylatul Jaaiza (The Prize Giving night). The night when the faithful and obedient servants of Allah Ta'ala are given the true reward. To benefit from this opportunity, one should exert in prayer and ask Allah Ta'ala for all our needs.Our Beloved Rasulullah (Salallaho alaihe wassallam) said: "The person who stays awake on the nights preceding the two Eids occupying himself with ibâdah(worship), his heart will not die on the day when everyone's heart will perish." (his heart will not die during the time of evil and corruption). It could also mean that with the blowing of the trumpet his soul will not become unconscious. (Hadith –Ibn Majah)

The then comes the joyous day of…

EID-UL-FITR:

Celebrated on the first day of Shawwaal, at the completion of Ramadhaan. Shawwaal is the 10th month of the Islamic calendar. Eid-al-Fitr is a very joyous day for the believing men and women. On this day Muslims show their real joy for the many blessings Allah Ta'ala has given to them to fulfil their obligation of fasting and other good deeds during the blessed month of Ramadhaan.

Indeed this joyous day can cannot pass by without remembering the poor and destitute…

SADAQTUL FITR:

Islam has prescribed a simple yet graceful way to observe this happy day. First of all well off Muslims start their day by giving charity Sadaqtul Fitr to the poor of their society, so that the less endowed can also enjoy their day along with others. Ibn Abbas(RA) said that the Messenger of Allah Ta'ala (pbuh) enjoined Sadaqatul Fitr so that those who fasted may be purified of idle deeds and shameful talk committed during Ramadaan and so that the poor may be fed. Whoever gives it before salaah( even days before) will have his obligation accepted, and whoever gives it after salaah it will be an ordinary charity.(Hadith -Abu Dawood)

This day of Eid should be spent in the way shown to us by The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him)…

SUNNAH ACTS ON THE DAY OF EID:

· Wake up early.

· Take a Ghusl (bath) before Eid Salaah

· Brush your teeth (use Miswaak)

· Dress up, putting on best clothes available.

· Use itr (perfume)

· Eat something sweet before proceeding to the Eid Musallah e.g. Dates etc.

· Pay Sadaqatul Fit r before Salaatul-Eid (on Eid-al-Fitr).

· Go to Eid Musallah (Eid Gah/prayer ground) early.

· Offer Salaah-al-Eid in congregation in an Eid Musallah except when weather is not permitting like rain, snow, etc.

· Use different roads en route to the Eid Musallah and back home.

· Recite the following Takbir on the way to Eid Musallah :

Allahu-Akbar, Allahu-Akbar. La ila-ha illallahu Allahu-Akbar, Allahu-Akbar. Wa-lillahil hamd. (Allah is the Greatest, Allah is the Greatest. There is no god but Allah. Allah is Greatest, Allah is Greatest. And all praises are for Allah)

THE EID PRAYER-And then comes along the morning of Eid, Allah Ta'ala sends down the angels to all the lands in the earth, where they take their positions at access points of roads calling out with a voice that is heard by all accept man and jinn. Allah Ta'ala then says: I call you to witness, Oh my Angels that for their having fasted during the month of Ramadaan ,and for their having stood before me in prayer by night, I have granted to them as reward My pleasure and have granted them forgiveness.-Allah Ta'ala will then say…,Oh my servants ask now of Me, for I swear by My honour and My Greatness, that whatsoever you shall beg of me this day in this assembly of yours for the needs of the Hereafter ,I shall grant you, and what so ever you shall ask for your worldly needs shall look at you favourably. (Hadith-Targheeb)

Jubayr ibn Nufayr (RA) said: 'When the companions of Allah Ta'ala's Messenger (peace be upon him) met on the day of `Eid, they would say to each other, 'TaqaballAllahu Ta'ala minna wa minkum (may Allah Ta'ala accept from you and us )." (Fathul Bari ).

 

TIPS ON HOW TO SPEND THE DAY OF EID:

· Keep in mind the pleasure of Allah and uphold Shari'ah at ALL times.

· Adorn yourself and your family modestly in the best of garments (not necessarily new).

· Avoid over eating and other festivities that have no benefit.

· Visit the poor, needy, orphans, elderly and sick.

· Should Eid be made at "my mum or your mum or wherever?" This requires Shura/Mashurah (mutual consultation). Shurah is a Sunnah of the Messenger of Allah (Sallalaho alaihe wassallam).Try to compromise and accommodate each other.

· Maintain and strengthen family bonds- Rasulullah (Salallaho alaihe wassallam) is reported to have said, "Anyone who wishes to have his means of livelihood enlarged and a prol onged life, should treat his relatives with kindness."(Hadith)

· Don't forget the suffering, oppressed, poor and needy Muslims in all parts of the world in your du'as and charity.

· Be punctual with our acts of worship and on this joyous day.

BE CAUTIOUS!- Avoid excessive indulgence of any kind and stay away from places where the laws of Islam are violated. It is a joyous occasion indeed and let it be spent in ways that are pleasing to our Creator. Use the day profitably to earn the pleasure of Allah Ta'ala and continue to do so everyday!

"A Muslim is a Muslim for life and not just during Ramadaan!"

WHAT NOW AFTER RAMADAAN…We leave the month Ramadaan, its beautiful days and nights, we leave the Month of Mercy wherein we excelled in recitation of the Quraan , Taqwa and Ibadat, sympathy ,forgiveness...we need to ask ourselves: Ramadaaan is over and what have we gained?

Ramadaan was a 30 day course on self-restraint and piety , have we graduated from the course having learnt to fight our desires and defeat them..? Have we recharged our spiritual batteries and gained Taqwa (Allah consciousness)? If we have …then ALHAMDULILLAH (Praise be to Allah)…now let us continue to obey Allah Ta'ala and ask Allah Ta'ala to keep us steadfast. Ramadaan is over and Shawwal has come, let us save the changes that we all made in our lives during the month of Ramadaan. Let Ramadaan not be a final destination but a stepping stone to greater good from now on. We need to make a firm resolution to continue with the momentum and lead a life of piety and free of sins. We now face another eleven months after this training. Let it be that we come out stronger and better servants of Allah Ta'ala…AMEEN!

 

Motivational Story: Salmaan wants to fast!

Salmaan wants to fast!

 

A motivational story to make kids understand why we fast...

 

 

 

"But, Mum, I do not want to eat. I am a big boy and I can fast," Salmaan told his mother.

"But you are fasting, Salmaan, 7-year-old children eat in the morning and a little in the afternoon and then they don't eat anything else till evening."

"But you do not fast like that, Mum," the little boy insisted.

"I am older, Salmaan. Grownups fast that way."

The young boy sat deep in thought and then asked, "Mum, why do we fast?"

"That's a good question, Salmaan." She got up and went to the kitchen cupboard. She removed something from it.

"Do you know what this is, Salmaan?"

"It's a blender."

"Do you know what it is supposed to do?"

"It blends fruit for juice." His mother laughed. "Yes, it does blend. Our body does the same thing. It grinds the food we eat; it takes what it needs and removes the rest. It does this everyday, day in day out."

"Doesn't the body get tired, Mum?"

"It does. Just like the blender. When we have blended juice for too long, it refuses to work. Then it needs fixing. So we have to give our body a rest so it can work better for us. That's why we fast in Ramadan and some other days in the year."

"Does everybody fast, Mummy?"

"Not everybody. If you are ill or expecting a baby or if you are old and weak like your grandpa or if you are 7 years old like yourself then you don't fast.

The little boy thought some more. He ate the food his mother had set before him without much fuss. "What if you don't want to fast?"

"What is your sister Laika's favorite colour?" "Pink".

"And what is the colour of her uniform for Madrassa (School)?" "Blue".

But she says she'd like to wear her pink hijab when she goes."

"And why doesn't she?"

"She is afraid Muallim (Teacher) will punish her."

"You see, she was afraid the teacher would punish her. The teacher will punish her because she has broken the rule of the madrassaby wearing pink.

You see, Salmaan, Allah knows what is good for us and so we have to do as He commands, because He sees and knows everything. We love Him and fear Him and we don't want Him to be displeased with us."

"But Salmaan the real reason fast is to please Allah.Only Allah can give us the reward and fasting creates taqwa in our hearts."  

"What is taqwa"  Salmaan  asked?

"Umar bin al-Khattab asked Ibn Ka'ab for the meaning of Taqwa. Ibn Ka'ab asked Umar how he would travel on a road full of thorns. 'Umar said he would carefully walk, gathering his clothes so they would not get stuck on the thorns which could cause him injury. Ibn K'aab said "This is the meaning of taqwa, to protect oneself from sin during our life's dangerous journey so that one can successfully complete the journey untouched by sin."

"So Salmaan if a person is  fasting and drinks water secretly when making wudhu will anybody know?"

"Nobody will no know Mum"

"But Allah will surely know as Allah sees everything and knows about all that we do! So when we fast we do it only for Allah and this will create the fear of Allah in our hearts. We will then be able to obey Allah at all times!"

"But don't you get hungry, Mum?"

"Of course we do. But we keep ourselves busy on other important things to take our mind away from the food and  also do things which our dear Rasulullah told us to do.We read the Qur'an, or we visit the sick people or we go to the mosque to read of Salaah and make Zikr and also take part in taalim and dawah. You see there's plenty to do and before you know it, it's time to eat!"

"Is there another reason why Muslims fast?"

"Yes. You are fortunate, Salmaan, because you have food everyday. Not everyone has food to eat, like the poor people in the squatter camps?"

" If we go hungry like them, we will be able to understand that they need help."

The little boy Salmaan seemed satisfied with the answers, his mother had given him.

 

"Mum, can I go with you and Daddy to help the poor?" "By the Grace of Allah, you can."

 

" Mum, one  more request"

"Yes Salmaan?"

 

"Can I fast tomorrow?" Salmaan asked

 

Salmaan's Mum smiled and replied " Allah has allowed 7 year old's not to fast until they grow bigger"

 

"But my sister Laika fasted yesterday " Salmaan pleaded to his Mum.

 

"Ok Salmaan I will wake you up for Sehri and then you can try. But if you do get very hungry you may eat ok!"

 

"Ok Mum!"

 

Happy with reply of his Mother Salmaan read his Salaah and went to bed praying to Allah to let him also fast tomorrow!

 

We need to explain to our children the essence and importance of Islamic practises so as they grow up they learn to appreciate and understand the wisdom of this beautiful Deen that Allah has gifted us with!

 

Proven Techniques for a Successful Positive Change this Ramadan

Proven Techniques for a Successful Positive Change this Ramadan

You CAN do it!!!

The Messenger of Allah Muhammad[peace be upon him] has said,"Almighty Allah says, 'I treat my slave (man) according to his expectations from Me, and I am with him when he remembers me. If he remembers Me in his heart, I remember him in My heart…. if he walks towards Me, I run unto him."[Hadith-Qudsi]

Make this Ramadan the month of "Change"..Are You Ready for it???

"Change" is the vogue today. "Change" is being chanted by the Presidents to rally up public support; "Change" is being demanded by the masses suffering due to skyrocketing fuel and commodity prices; "Change", a drastic one indeed, is what we are witnessing with awe in the global weather patterns.

For Muslims, Ramadan is the prime time for change. This month dramatically alters our routines and schedules. From tight sleep schedules, to hunger for extended hours, to reduction in consumption of junk foods, to a technology diet; to withdrawal from caffeine addiction, to lengthy standing in Taraweeh prayers at night, to extensive listening to the Quran. What a change indeed!

Beyond Routines and Rituals

The real change, however, Ramadan demands of us is the internal change – a change that positively transforms our lifestyle, character, attitudes, conversations, and habits. Allah has described this change in the month of Ramadan as follows: "O you who believe, fasting has been ordained on you as it was decreed upon those before you so that you may adopt Taqwa[Taqwa is Allah consciousness ]" (2:183 [Quran 2:183].

Slavery to Ramadan?

If our change is limited to outer physical practices only, we become slaves to Ramadan, instead of being servants to Ar-Rahman (Allah, the Merciful).

Prophet Muhammad[peace be upon him] has warned us about those who don't fast from bad behaviour:

"Allah has no interest in any person's abstention from eating and drinking, if that person does not give up lying and dishonest actions" [Sahih al-Bukhari].

Ramadan Resolutions

Every Ramadan we make resolutions and tell ourselves: "This Ramadan will be different. I'm going to change my ______ habit." "I will give up ………", "I will take my practice of Islam to the next level". But how many of us are really able to follow through? Plenty of good intentions, many amazing wishes, but sadly enough, life goes on as usual the morning of Eid.

Ask yourself, how is my fasting benefitting my spiritual connection with Allah? How is my extensive worship in Ramadan helping me discipline my tongue (taste and speech), eyes, ears, and habits?

Are you ready to take that first step to transform your bad habits into good ones?

Ways to Kick Bad Habits

Few things are more demanding than eliminating bad habits, since they are part of our daily routines and personality. It takes days of patience and practice to break old habits.

However, the good news is, Ramadan offers a perfect and natural environment for moral training. Interestingly, researches from "positive psychology" (scientific study of successful people) have repeatedly shown it takes between 30 to 40 days to kick a bad habit and develop a new one.

In addition to the physical discipline during the month of Ramadan, the increased spiritual exercise and connection with Allah, can transform your habits for life.

Try these proven techniques for a successful positive change in your habits during Ramadan and beyond!

1. Acknowledge and Identify your bad habits: First step is to admit you need to change. If you are in a state of denial, you won't recognize that you have a bad habit to change.

2. Pick a habit for this month: Prioritize your bad habits and focus on one for this month. If you are committed to changing at least one habit, you will see remarkable results, Allah-willing.

3. Realize that it's in us to change: Don't believe the old saying, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks." You can break a bad habit if you really want to. No one else can change your habits, if you don't want to.

4. Remember, Allah loves those who commit mistakes and repent: Prophet Muhammad[peace be upon him] said:

"By Him in Whose Hand is my life, if you were not to commit sin, Allah would sweep you out of existence and He would replace (you by) those people who would commit sin and seek forgiveness from Allah, and He would have pardoned them." [Sahih Muslim]

5. Intention & Plan to change: "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail." A healthy process of change in character requires a gradual pace, which entails planning. Develop concrete milestones to measure your progress.

6. Replace a bad habit with a good one: Completely eliminating a habit is more challenging than replacing it with a more productive habit. Moreover, it's crucial to replace the lost natural needs, such as the need to socialize and to be entertained with something healthy.

For instance, it's easier to replace or balance your addiction to TV with a physical workout or reading, than to suddenly remove the TV from your life. Interestingly, Prophet Muhammad[peace be upon him], the greatest 'psychologist' of humanity, illustrated this principle in these words:

"Fear Allah wherever you may be; follow up an evil deed with a good one which will wipe (the former) out, and behave good-naturedly towards people." [At-Tirmidhi]

7. Change your Environment: Resist the negative peer pressure by finding a better company of friends. Collective action to change is very powerful. Prophet Muhammad [peace be upon him] explained this peer pressure effect with this analogy:

"A good friend and a bad friend are like a perfume-seller and a blacksmith: The perfume-seller might give you some perfume as a gift, or you might buy some from him, or at least you might smell its fragrance. As for the blacksmith, he might singe your clothes, and at the very least you will breathe in the fumes of the furnace." [Sahih al-Bukhari & Muslim]

8. Exercise: Spiritual exercise is important for lasting change. You may not realize that by exerting your yourself in spiritual exercises like the reading of Quran and Hadith, fasting, giving charity, Zikr[remembering Allah] etc helps in eliminating a number of bad habits. Through the spiritual light of doing noble deeds evil ones will gradually be eradicated from your life. Allah says : "Indeed, Salah restrains from Shameful and unjust deeds" [Quran:29:45]. A person complained to the Prophet Muhammad [peace be upon him] about someone who read salaah and also committed theft .The Prophet Muhammad [peace be upon him] said "His salaat will very soon wean him off that sin.' This shows that the evil habits can be got rid of by adhering to good practises. The doing of good deeds such as remembering Allah cleanses the heart. A clean heart encourages a person to do good deeds and refrains one from evil habits!

Moreover, exercising your will power (struggle to fight temptations) for this month helps you kick all kinds of bad habits and form new good ones. Willpower is like a muscle; the more you exercise it, the more you strengthen it.

9. Think of yourself as a changed, different, new person. This simple psychological shift in your thinking about your own image can do wonders. Tell yourself, "I can't continue this ill-behaviour. I am better than that. I am stronger. I am wiser."

10. Reward success: The most fundamental law in all of psychology is the "law of effect." It simply states that actions followed by rewards are strengthened and likely to recur. Unfortunately, studies show that people rarely use this technique when trying to change personal habits.

Setting up formal or informal rewards for success greatly increases your chances of transforming bad habits into good ones, and is far more effective than punishing yourself for bad habits or setbacks. As Muslims we should also remember that the ultimate reward is Allah's Pleasure and Paradise in the Hereafter.

11. Get help: Tell someone about your effort to change if it helps. He or she may keep you on track and may offer some good advice. Read books that will encourage you to do virtues actions. Join programs in your local Mosque. Ladies should endeavour to join their local Taalimi Halqas. There are good and sincere people who are ready to assist. We are not an island- We are an Ummah!

12. Boost your spiritual immune system: By fasting,doiung good actions, spending time in the Mosque or going in the path of Allah will boost your Imaan[faith] which will provide you with internal strength to overcome temptations to reverting to old bad habits.

13. Remind yourself of Death and Hereafter often: "Remember often the terminator (or destroyer) of all the pleasures [i.e. death]," the Prophet [peace be upon him]once stated. [At-Tirmidhi.]

14. Resolve to continue on and follow up: Giving up bad habits or learning good habits requires regular maintenance and determination. It is a long, ongoing process, also known as "Tazkiyyah" in Islamic terminology. It's more difficult than the first few steps of change. ("How many times have I dieted, for example, only to gain the weight back?"). So ensure that you follow up. Link yourself to a good Allah-fearing Islamic Scholar and make a habit of spending time in Allah path.

15. Develop a relapse strategy: How do you ensure not to return to your bad habit you are trying to change? Some people donate money to a good cause every time they return to sinning or a bad habit. This reminds them of the 'cost' of going back to old bad habits. Others try physically demanding acts to deter them from reverting to old ways. For example that if you do___ act than you will keep three fast or pay so much sadaqah[charity] etc

16. Ask Allah for Help: MOST IMPORTANT!-Make Asking for Allah's Help an integral part of the overall change process. Ask for Allah's Help before, during and after every attempt at kicking a bad habit. Do so sincerely, even begging and crying, like a child does when he or she really wants something. Allah is Ever-Willing to Help and to Respond to our needs, but it is us who must take the first step towards Him. Allah will NEVER disappoint us!

"And whosoever is conscious of Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He (Allah) will make a way for him to get out (from) every (difficulty), and He will provide him from (sources) he could never imagine." [Quran 65:2-3]

Fill the Bucket this Ramadaan

Fill the Bucket!

By Abdur Rahmaan Umar

 

"Sheikh, Ramadaan soon," said Omar, his gruff voice making him sound a lot older than his 28 years, "We will really have to exert ourselves this Ramadaan!"

Sheik Hamaad nodded quietly, taking a sip of his favourite Jasmine tea.

"Yup, we really gonna have to try and do a lot this Ramadaan," chorused Ridwaan.

Sheikh looked at them and whispered, "Or not to do."

Omar jerked his head in surprise and looked at Ridwaan, searching for an answer. Ridwaan raised his eyebrows and shrugged his shoulders. The group looked at one another with skewed glances but said little until Omar mustered the courage and broke the silence, "Did Sheikh say not to do?"

Sheikh nodded in silent affirmation, his long beard making little waves on his chest.

They looked at one another for some clue, something just wasn't right.

Zaid, unable to contain himself and ventured softly, his voice barely audible from his usual position against the wall at the back, "But Sheikh always told us that this is the month to capitalize, to take maximum benefit of the time and to really … how you say…stock up."

Sheikh Hamaad's lips curled into a soft smile as he placed his tea on the little ornate wood table beside him, "True, I did say that you have to work hard and earn rewards. But let me give you an example – if you have a bucket, how long will it take to fill up?"

Omar's face lit up, he adjusted his specs, and in his a very professional tone said, "Depends on many factors – what's the rate of flow of the water, how big is the bucket, what is the size of the opening, and …"

"Let say we ignore all that," Sheikh continued, "If the bucket has a huge hole at the bottom will it remain full?"

"Well," began Omar, "depends on the size of the hole, and the rate of…"

"No ways! It will not remain full," Zaid interrupted him, and looked to Sheikh for an explanation of the analogy.

Sheikh surveyed the puzzled look on their faces and decided to end the suspense, "If we do a lot in Ramadaan, but fail to give up sinning then we are like people who are trying to fill a bucket that has holes."

"Holy bucket!" said Zaid, chuckled softly at his joke.

Sheikh smiled and continued, "Hadhrat Abu Hurayrah Radiallahu anhu narrated that the Messenger of Allah Sallalahu Alaihi wasallam said: 'There are many such people who fast but gain nothing from their fast except hunger, and there are many such people who stand up (in Prayer) for whom there is nothing but the (difficulty) of staying awake. (Hadith-ibn Majah)' So….people may make a lot of effort, but gain nothing from it."

"Holes in the bucket," acknowledged Zaid, his head nodding in affirmation, "But why?"

Sheikh paused to sip his tea, "Because they don't give up sinning…perhaps they break their fast with haraam provisions, or they indulged in backbiting during the day. Or they indulged in some other sin that erased the good of the fasting and prayer. "

In another saying of the Messenger of Allah Sallalahu Alaihi wasallam narrated by Hadhrat Abu Ubaydah( Radiallahu Anhu) that "Fasting is a shield until it's not torn" (Hadith-Ibn Majah); which conveys a similar meaning. A shield is only useful if it's able to withstand the onslaught of the enemy. If it's damaged it's no longer a source of protection. Likewise, we have to be extra careful about not committing sins in Ramadaan.

Ridwaan leaned forward and asked, "Must we be more vigilant about sins than doing good deeds?"

"Yes, you need to be more cautious, because if you do good deeds without refraining from sin then it's like filling a bucket with holes. Holy bucket!" said sheikh nodding at Zaid, whose curiosity dragged him away from the back wall.

Sheikh paused to take drain the cup of the last drops of tea, In another Hadith it's mentioned that a person asked The Messenger Sallalahu Alaihi wasallam, just as you have asked, what causes the fast to tear, and he, Sallalahu Alaihi wasallam replied – lies and backbiting.

Fasting is not just about giving up food and drink; it's about staying away from haraam. So the eyes have to fast by not looking at anything impermissible, the ears have to fast by not listening to haraam. So too, the mouth, by avoiding lies, backbiting, swearing and other wrongful words. Even the limbs have to fast by not going to haraam or indulging in it.

"That changes the whole notion of fasting," asked Zaid, now having made his way close to the front, "But that's tough…"

Sheikh immediately began reciting in his melodious voice:

"يُرِيدُ اللَّـهُ بِكُمُ الْيُسْرَ وَلَا يُرِيدُ بِكُمُ الْعُسْرَ وَلِتُكْمِلُوا الْعِدَّةَ وَلِتُكَبِّرُوا اللَّـهَ عَلَىٰ مَا هَدَاكُمْ"

"From Surah Baqarah (verse 185) – Allah Ta'ala desires ease for you and does not intend for you hardship. And (wants) for you to complete the period and to glorify Allah for that (to) which He has guided you;"

"Zaid! You love your kebabs?" Sheikh asked.

Zaid nodded bashfully. "Would you eat any one of those lovely, tasty kebabs just before fast breaking time? Say with 30 seconds to spare?"

Zaid shook his head vigorously and replied, "No!" his voice a little too loud for the occasion.

"Why not?"

"Because that would be breaking Allah's command!"

"Even by a mere thirty seconds?" asked Sheikh and Zaid shook his head more energetically.

"So we have so much self-restraint about what we put in our mouths that we won't even transgress by thirty seconds, but we take very little care about what comes out of our mouths," said Sheikh, "Allah Ta'ala has given us the ability to control ourselves, we have to use this ability to avoid all those things which earn His displeasure."

"So what's the best thing we can do this Ramadaan? "asked Omar.

"The best thing to do is to avoid sinning in this blessed month, and…and...do your best to fill the bucket. By the grace of Allah Ta'ala it will be filled which much good that will remain even after Ramadaan. So, simply, do nothing wrong this Ramadaan!"

The Pillar of Society!

The Pillar of Society!

By Abu Muhammad Yusuf

The foundation of the tallest tower in the world is hidden, yet it is the most important part of the building. A mother is indeed an important part of our society, yet her role and contribution is seldom acknowledged!

A man came asked the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) " Who from amongst mankind warrants the best companionship from me? He replied: "Your mother." The man asked: Then who? So he replied: "Your mother." The man then asked: Then who? So the Prophet replied again: "Your mother." The man then asked: Then who? So he replied: "Then your father." (Hadith- Bukhârî )

The secret of her importance lies in the tremendous burden and responsibility that is placed upon her and the difficulties that she has to shoulder - responsibilities and difficulties some of which not even a man bears. This is why among the most important obligations upon a person is to show gratitude, kindness and good companionship with her.

Quite often and mainly due to our social environment, the importance of mothers is seriously downplayed and demoted to a menial job.

There was once an officer at the driving license counter who asked the lady, "what is your occupation ?" the woman seeking renewal of her license seemed to be puzzled.

So the officer said, "ma'am, are you employed....have your own business or...."

The woman replied, "oh, yes !! I have a full time occupation. I am a mother"

Officer : "we don't have 'mother' as an option for occupation. I will write it down as 'housewife'. That takes care of all questions."

This had happened long ago, and was forgotten.

Years later when the same lady went to get her license, the public relations officer was a somewhat pompous woman.

"Your occupation?" she asked in a rather authoritative tone.

The lady just had an inspiration and replied, "I am a researcher in the field of child development, nutrition and inter-personal relationships."

The lady officer stared at her in amazement. She calmly repeated her statement, and the lady officer wrote it down verbatim.

Then, unable to conceal her curiosity, she politely asked, "what exactly do you do in your profession, ma'am ?"

She was feeling good about having described her occupation so calmly and confidently. She replied, "my research projects have been going on for a number of years (mothers never retire !!). My research is conducted in the laboratory as well as in the field. I have a CEO and a senior Director (CEO is Allah of course and the Director is my entire family). Have received two honours in this field (a son and a daughter). My topic is considered to be the most difficult part of sociology (all moms will agree!!). I have to work more than 14 hours every day. Sometimes even 24 hours might not be enough and the challenges are tougher than many other professions. My compensation is in terms of mental satisfaction rather than money."

After this brief introduction she could see that the officer was thoroughly impressed. After completing the licensing formalities, she came to the door to see her off.

This new viewpoint about her occupation made her feel much better on her way back home. She was welcomed by her 5 year old research assistant at the door. Her new project (6 month old baby) was enthusiastically waiting to meet her.

She had earned a small victory over the governmental red tape and society stereotyping. She was no longer 'merely a mother'. Instead she was now a highly placed functionary in a service vital for humanity - motherhood !!!

'Mother' - isn't it a great title. Fit to be added to the nameplate on the door or even on your sporty car numberplate!!!

By this standard, grandmothers deserve to be called senior research officers, and great grandmothers qualify as 'research directors'. Aunts and other ladies of that age group can be called 'research facilitators'.

Mothers are indeed of noble stature in society and their position is elevated to the highest position in Islam. The Noble Messenger of Allah(peace be upon him) emphatically proclaimed;

" Jannah (paradise) lies under the feet of your Mother!" (Hadith Ahmed,Sunan Ibn Mâjah).

Allah Ta'ala, The Most Wise says;

"Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him and that you be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour. And out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility and say, "My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood."(Noble Quran 17:23-24)

We don't need to wait once a year and be commercially exploited on Mother's Day to recognize this great personality, celebrate her today, tomorrow and everyday!

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